It started with a message on Facebook.
Ellen, 68, hadn’t even been looking. She just commented on a post about Mediterranean recipes. A few hours later, she got a message from a man who said he loved the same dishes and thought she had a “kind and beautiful smile.”
It felt harmless at first—just chatting. Then it became daily. Then it became flirty. And after a few weeks, it became a connection Ellen hadn’t felt in years. He told her he was a civil engineer working abroad. Widowed. Thoughtful. Interested. Said he’d visit as soon as his contract was up.
“We are more often deceived by vanity than by cunning.”
– François de La Rochefoucauld
You probably know where this is going.
The requests for money started small—his wallet was stolen, he was short on cash until the bank processed something. Ellen wired a few hundred dollars. Then a few thousand.
By the time she realized it was a scam, she’d lost nearly $40,000—and a piece of herself she didn’t know how to get back.
They Don’t Just Target the Lonely—They Target the Loving
We like to think we’d see it coming. That we’d know better. That something would feel off.
But romance scams don’t look like scams. They look like attention. Like affection. Like hope.
They sound like,
“I can’t believe I found you.”
“You’re the only one I talk to this way.”
“As soon as this job wraps up overseas, I’m flying to meet you.”
They don’t always happen to someone “desperate.” They happen to smart, loving, kind women. Some are widowed. Some are divorced. Some are just finally ready to open their hearts again.
The scammers know that.
Why Older Women Are Targeted
According to the FBI, people over 60 lost over $1.3 billion to scams in 2023—and romance scams topped the list for the highest dollar loss per scam.
Here’s why we’re being targeted:
We have savings or retirement funds.
We’re more emotionally open—especially after loss or major life transitions.
We value meaningful connection.
And sadly, we’re less likely to talk about it when we suspect something’s wrong, out of shame or confusion.
Why We Fall for It—Even the Strongest of Us
Romance scammers are often trained in emotional manipulation. They’re patient. They build trust over weeks or even months. They pay attention. They make us feel seen.
We fall for it because we’re human. Because it feels good to be wanted.
Because loneliness can sneak up on us—even when our lives look “full” on the outside.
Sometimes, it’s not even about love. It’s about being chosen again.
The Emotional Fallout
When the truth hits, it’s not just about the money. It’s about the betrayal.
Women have shared stories of feeling:
Embarrassed
Foolish
Heartbroken
Afraid to trust again
One woman I spoke with said, “It wasn’t the money that hurt me the most. It was the way he made me feel like I was the center of someone’s world—and then ripped that world away.”
It can take years to recover emotionally, especially if friends or family say things like, “How could you fall for that?” or “You should’ve known better.”
Let’s be clear: This is not your fault.
How to Spot a Romance Scam (Red Flags to Watch For)
If someone you meet online shows any of these signs, take a step back:
Too fast, too soon: Declares love or deep feelings quickly
Avoids video chats or in-person meetings
Says they’re working overseas or deployed
Has excuses for why they can’t meet or call
Asks for money—especially for “emergencies,” flights, or business deals
Creates drama to keep you emotionally hooked (sick family member, lost passport, etc.)
Even if they don’t ask for money right away, they may spend weeks building a relationship first.
How to Protect Yourself (and Those You Love)
Talk to someone you trust. If you’re unsure, don’t keep it to yourself. Isolation is the scammer’s best tool.
Do a reverse image search. You can use Google to check if their photo is fake or stolen.
Never send money, gift cards, or personal banking info to someone you haven’t met in person.
Watch for inconsistencies. If their stories change or they dodge simple questions, take it seriously.
Report it. You can file a report with the FTC or FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3).
If This Happened to You… You’re Not Alone
More women than you realize have been there. It’s okay to feel devastated. But you don’t have to carry the shame. You were targeted because you’re capable of love and trust—not because you’re weak.
Reach out. Share your story. Help another woman avoid the same pain.
And if you haven’t been scammed, talk to your mom, your aunt, your friend from church. Scammers don’t care how kind or cautious someone is. They care that the door is open.
Romance after 50 can be beautiful—and it should be safe.
But if someone’s love depends on secrecy, urgency, or sending money? That’s not love. That’s a trap.
Let’s talk about it. Let’s name it. And let’s protect each other.
– Kate
Real life, real experiences. Share your wisdom, your wins, or even the mess — because life after 50 is worth talking about.
